Hal Antwerp of DentFirst Partners recently acquired a new “smokin’ hot” dental assistant, Rebecca Hayward. Regarding the spectacular find, Mr. Antwerp had this to say: “Well, we had the job posting up for probably about a month. We had a lot of nibbles—no real catches, though. As soon as Bexx [Ms. Hayward] walked in the door, I knew she’d be a good fit. When someone with her kind of credentials walks in, well…I’m just lucky, I guess.”
When asked about her credentials, Mr. Antwerp gave her a positively glowing review. “Well, I could see by her high school transcript that she had taken Freshman Health three times. That tells me that she’s passionate about people and the biological sciences. I like to see that kind of passion in the people I work with.”
Rebecca “Sexxy Bexxy” Hayward seemed optimistic about the opportunity. “I don’t know, I graduated last June so…I guess I kind of needed a job. There’s not a lot of work for 18 year olds. I want to try that laughing gas stuff, I wanna see if it makes me all giggly. I tried keyboard duster once, but I got a carbon glioxide [sic] burn in the back of my throat and I couldn’t drink through a straw for like two weeks.” Ms. Hayward believes she’s well-prepared for the job. “I mean, I’ve had teeth for like…over 10 years. That’s a lot of experience.” When asked about her questionable C- in Biology, Ms. Hayward played it off: “I’m not really into that like, real science-y stuff, y’know?”
“As a dentist, that’s a kind of mindset that I can really understand” Mr. Antwerp commented. “She’s got real spirit, not like that stupid fat-ass Clark.”
Not everyone’s excited about Ms. Hayward’s addition to the team, though. Clark Henderson, receptionist and resident stupid fat-ass thinks the choice unwise. “I can’t fucking believe it. I have a Bachelor’s Degree in Biology from Brown. I’ve been working in this office for 4 years. I can name every single procedure performed here, and every tool used in that procedure, because I’m the one who has to fucking clean them.” Mr. Henderson also seemed doubtful about Ms. Hayward’s future at DentFirst Partners: “She’s probably going to fucking OD on Novocain and I’m going to have to stash her in a God damned dumpster somewhere. This is the most fuckhead decision that fuckhead dentist has made since I’ve been here.”
“I’m really confident in my decision,” Antwerp concluded, smiling. Ms. Hayward starts next Monday.
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